Compulsory Employee Movie Review #9

I luv employee CRAM gently caresses the so-bad-it's-good 80's film Never Too Young to Die.

Never Too Young To Die (1986)

D: Gil Bettman

Alright, I'm keeping this one short and sweet.

10 reasons why this movie rocks so hard:

1. The box cover rules.

2. John Stamos is in it.

3. His character is named 'Stargrove'.

4. This is also the name of a song that plays while Stamos performs gymnastics.

5. The chorus lyrics appear to just be “Stargrove, Stargrove”, etc. (or close enough)

6. Before deciding to sleep with Vanity late in the film, Stargrove eats two apples, in succession.

7. We watch him eat both apples. It's weird.

8. Stargrove has a sidekick who also played a big-hat dude in Big Trouble in Little China.

9. Stargrove's father – “Agent Stargrove” or something like that – is played by George Lazenby.

And last but not least,

10. Friggin' Gene Simmons plays a hermaphroditic, cross-dressing villain with an appetite for destruction and mayhem!

I love this movie.