Revisiting: Idiocracy and the Pipeline

 by Marc Calderaro

Airport employee Marc gives us a diatribe regarding

the film "Idiocracy".

Mike Judge's 2006 concept-comedy, Idiocracy, embodies just about everything I love about filmmaking.  Judge had such a clear vision of what he wanted, and not studio pressure nor narrative coherence could sway him.  And when the studios buried the film, refusing to do the special effects work, he simply talked to Troublemaker Studios and Robert Rodriguez (Austinites unite!), and the CG was done for a nominal amount (I could be wrong, but I believe it was $1 – someone fact-check me, please). 

Idiocracy was released on just about zero screens nationwide (actually, 130 – in only six markets), but just like Judge's previous cult comedy, Office Space, the work found a warm, welcoming home on DVD. And did we expect any differently? Was the mind behind King of the Hill and Beavis and Butthead really going to lead us astray with a satire about cultural devolution?  The more time passes, the more I hear and read quotes from President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain-Dew Herbert Camacho, and see people drinking "Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator".  Quite frankly, if you haven't heard someone say, "It's got what plants crave," you're probably running the wrong circles. 

Watching this film for the second (and third) time is almost required to appreciate the many high-concept, low-brow jokes that permeate the entire film. And though it took me over two years to see it again, I've now decided Idiocracy is a film to own, not just one to trot out every so often.  Each joke works better the second time, and because of your previous knowledge, it's easier to let the third-act pacing slip by unchallenged (Yes, yes, it's not all compliments from me. There are plenty of narrative slips, and faltering gags throughout).  

But what amazes me most about this phenomenal film is the general complexity of the dialogue and the intricate attention to language and slang. After I heard Stephen Root's judge character use, "hoire" instead of "here", I began listening closer to the seeds of this futuristic language and the results were quite fruitful. 

In fact, after much thought (inarguably too much), I've decided that the best joke in the entire film is the small, repeating theme of people using the word "utilize" –  yes, it’s even better than “I like women.”  Though "utilize" certainly is a word and is being “properly used” (ha ha), I have a special attachment to the word based on my most recent job field. And though this lingual jab shares the same thematic punch-line as another in the film – the phrase "particular individuals" to describe criminals – my personal grudge with "utilize" makes me wince every time the word is spoken, and appreciate Judge’s genius even more. 

For the last two years, I’ve been working in the energy sector as an inspector for natural-gas pipeline construction.  Being on the pipeline, I've met tons of interesting and amazing people who, for the most part, share very little commonalities with me. And being around these "pipeline folk" I've been introduced to many different customs, cultures, personalities and ideas that I'm very grateful for.  My east-coast upbringing had left me many blind spots in my cultural picture of America, and living in rural locations across the country, whether it be Kansas, Indiana or even upstate New York has broadened my ideas of “American” and taught me many things I now love and appreciate. 

However, one thing I've learned that I don't appreciate at all is bullshit.  Sure we’ve got that in the East too, but it’s a whole different breed.  There are many people in this business (and I'm sure in every business) who've learned that an easy way to achieve more is to fake knowledge.  And as long as you're confident enough about it, people will believe you. This tactic annoys me to no end, because once they admit lying to anyone, their jig is up.  So no matter how hard you press them, they will stick to dishonesty - and it's sickening. It hurts everyone around them – from their company, to their job, to their co-workers, but the bullshitter doesn't care.  They’re so afraid that their worthlessness could threaten their livelihood (and rightly so), they make bad decisions, stab others in the back and destroy just about everything around them for the sake of their "reputation".  Now how does all of this line up with Idiocracy? 

One of the first tip-offs that the person you're talking to is a bullshitter is word choice.  And one of the easiest and most obvious examples is the little seven-letter ditty, "utilize".  In just about every context I've ever heard that word, it is absolutely interchangeable with "use".  But because "utilize" is longer and sounds technical, bullshitters will pepper the term everywhere they can, believing it makes them sound smarter. And to some people it does. It doesn't to me; it makes me throw up in my mouth.  Big words are not to be used because they are bigger.  If there were a smaller word synonymous with “anthropomorphizing”, I’d use it in a heartbeat, but there isn’t.  So I’m stuck using an unwieldy, 18-letter monstrosity.  My friend, Jamie, reminded me of this T.S. Eliot quote: “The common word exact without vulgarity, the formal word precise but not pedantic, the complete consort dancing together."   

I've become so disgruntled in my job, when people say “utilize”, I ask them what it means, and why they didn't just say "use". I mean, I know the difference - "to use properly or effectively", placing the emphasis on the adverbs, differentiating from using something improperly.  But of the dozens of times I've asked this question, not one person has answered me with something other than, "You know what? I don't know."  And when they say that, I only hear one thing, "You’ve caught me; I don't know what the hell I'm talking about."  And though they aren't convicted yet of being a pure bullshitter, I know to be extra critical of what they say, to save myself the grief of being burned by an asshole. 

That's why I enjoy the fact that "utilize" has worked its way into the standard vocabulary of the future – right up there with “faggy” and “Ow, my balls!” In a world built on facades, pretension is king. And "utilize" is the king of pretense. Thanks Idiocracy, for understanding my pain. 

-marc-