CGI SUCKS!!!

So, if you want to know what this is all about, I think I can sum it up with a cliche'.

I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.

 

And for these picks, I like stop-motion science fiction fantasies and the ilk. And one

man embodies this kind of movie perfection: Ray Harryhausen.

 

His movies give me a wonderful warm feeling in my stomach. His movies feature insane creatures and

old world mythology. High adventure!!! If you're not familar with his films, you might start with this movie: 

 

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The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (Nathan Juran, 1958)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This movie is sooooo great. It has in it one of the coolest monster in movie HISTORY. It's the big man-eating cyclops with the fuzzy legs and hooved feet.

 

But that's not all! It also has a three-headed roc and well... watch it!

CGI can't touch this, i must say.
 
 

"The ultimate killing machine. Part man. Part metal." that's the tagline for my second pic. oh yeah, very cheesy, but this movie makes the new Transformers movies look like so many piles of turd. Piles and piles of turd. But i digress:

 

Robot Jox (Stuart Gordon, 1990)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This movie is the giant robot battle that you've been waiting for your ENTIRE life. CGI can suck my behind, cuz this stuff is 10x better. You know it, i know it. but hollywood... They don't know it.

 

Anyway, I don't want to ruin it for you, but sometime in our globalist future, the two giant world super-powers solve their differences, not with war, but with giant robots and an elite group of operators called "Jox" that are like rock stars. But the real treat of the movie is the crazy stop-motion robot battles. so treat yourself. 
 
 

Take one part Bert I. Gordon, maker of many a bad B movie, and combine it with a novel by H.G. Wells and what do you get? Fuckin' awesome is the answer.

 

So this movie really freaked me out as a kid. I thought it was very scary. I watched it again, and it's not very scary. But it's a little bit of nerdy gold. Still wonderful.

 

Food of the Gods (Bert I. Gordon, 1976)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This goes to show just how much better a sci-fi movie can be without CGI. The director, Bert I. Gordon, is mostly famous for having many of his movies spoofed by Mystery Science Theatre 3000. This one was probably too good to get spoofed.

 

There's all these giant animals that attack this rustic cabin. Giant rats and flying insects. If made

nowadays, then all the rats would be computer-generated, and instead of a wonderful treasure, this movie would just plain suck. Thank god for the 70's. 
 
 

What movie has the best dinosaur-elephant battle, at least of the 1960's? Maybe of all time? And also features Ray Harryhausen creature effects.

 

The Valley of the Gwangi (Jim O'Connolly, 1969)

                                              

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

COWBOYS VS. DINOSAURS!!!!! That, with the Harryhausen visuals, should be all you need to know, really.

 

Ok well, it's a tad cheesy. But it's still very fun to watch. especially for nerds that like old creature features like me. You should already know if you'd like it or not just by looking at the poster.

 

Saddle up for adventure when a Pteranodon swoops down and snatches a boy, cowboys chase a Ornithomimus, a vicious Allosaurus pursues them back and, in the end, a Styracosaurus enters the fray. DINO BATTLE! 
 

And that's all for this green slime movie attack. I'm sure this might be a useless battle in the War against CGI in ALL our movies. I think it's here to stay. Whatever, i guess. I'll learn to love it. But these old movies are like a warm blanket -- best used on a hangover day, while getting over the dark times, or when you''re hanging out with other nerdy old friends.