Devil Hunter

MISTER TRASH PRESENTS...

DEVIL HUNTER (aka SEXO CANIBAL aka EL CANIBAL) - I've seen dozens of Jess Franco's films over the years (he's made nearly 200 so far), and one of them was pretty good.  Still, I adore the old Spanish pervert and was delighted to get my chubby little hands on one of his little cash-ins on the late 70s/early 80s Euro-cannibal craze, 1980's Devil Hunter.  

A comely and borderline retarded model Laura (Ursula Buchfellner) has come to South America to make a film, and while she dallies about her hotel room in the buff, the cannibals of the surrounding jungle delight in ritual atrocities in homage to their devil god.  I must note how unconvinving these cannibals really are, though.  Not only are the native cannibals of South America mysteriously black, many of them sport obvious vaccination scars!  Still, it beats the hell out of the fat white guys Franco cast as his jungle savages in Cannibals that same year, so I can't really complain too much here.  Anyway, as some poor shrieking woman is used, abused, and ripped to shreds at the altar of the devil god, poor Laura is abducted right out of the bathtub by a couple of thugs with pantyhose on their heads.  The crooks expect a ransom for her, so they abscond with the famous model to the middle of the jungle, where one of the kidnappers experiences a mild mental breakdown because vegetation gives him "the creeps." 

Enter Peter Weston (played by the always supremely awesome Al Cliver), the eponymous "devil hunter" - a tough as nails Nam Vet who will rescue the girl, for a price.  Soon enough he’s en route to the remote locale in a helicopter that drives the natives wild, thumping their drums and worshipping their idol with the bloodshot eyes. Almost immediately, Weston’s squirrelly partner freaks out with a massive Nam flashback, setting a grim tone for their rescue effort.  Luckily, he’s a pill popping junkie, so once again drugs save the day!  (Picture First Blood Part II if Rambo had Amy Winehouse for a partner and you’ll get the idea.)  These cats got the ransom, but it’s almost entirely obviously fake money, so their plan relies solely on their hope that the kidnappers are at least as retarded as their victim.  “If they discover the trick, they’ll kill the girl!” the junkie proclaims.  “That’s a risk we’ll have to take,” Weston coolly responds. 

Wow, fuck that girl, right?  Wait, why are we here again?  Naturally, the kidnappers double-cross our heroes by taking the counterfeit cash and opening fire.  The not so dynamic duo immediately turn tail and fly out in their copter, leaving the poor retarded girl behind, and instantly crashing into the side of a hill.  Meanwhile, Laura splits into the jungle and falls into the hands of the savage devil-worshipping cannibals, natch.  Chaos ensues – our heroes swim to safety and jack a boat with a nekkid chick in it (??), and some dude with googly eyes like the devil idol stalks the jungle and rips a kidnapper’s head off while breathing asthmatically.  Back at the old tribal home, the cannibals ceremonially undress poor Laura, lay her out on a bamboo bed and communally fondle her bathing suit area while their priest looks lustfully on.  (This is Franco, folks – nothing new here.)   

Tied buck naked to a stake, a pretty tribal girl with the traditional feathered hair and carefully trimmed pubes of her people dances equally naked in front of her.  Mr. Bug-Eyes infiltrates the boat where Weston’s partner is boning the girl they found in it and twists the dude’s head off before disemboweling the girl with his bare hands.  This is a good thing because it’s a damn cannibal film, whereas Franco is far more concerned with clinical close-ups on the aforementioned bathing suit areas.  It’s like a frigging health class film – “Laura is becoming a woman, and she is beginning to notice strange changes in her body...”  After an unbearably long sequence of Bug-Eyes stalking and killing a super minor character nobody cares about, Weston takes out the main bad guy, the priestess writhes naked in an apparent epileptic fit, and Bug-Eyes carries Laura further into the jungle with an entirely unnecessary look at his junk.  A good look.  Cue final showdown between Weston and Bug-Eyes, the latter’s wiener a’flappin’, and the great white hunter flings his adversary over a cliff to his bloody death.  Oh, and he’s supposed to have been the Devil or something.  Which means that I ever see a completely naked black dude with weird googly eyes who wheezes a lot, I’m going to sell my soul to that man in exchange for a really fast car.  Man, that car’s gonna ROCK.

Highlight of the Film:  Badly dubbed in someone's garage apparently, the voice actors in Devil Hunter are way too funny for a print review to do justice.  Suffice to say that they successfully manage to make an asinine movie even more asininer.  Once the hapless heroes are on board the nude girl’s boat, Weston languishes on deck with his shirt off, letting all that flab hang free in the fresh South American air.  He gets a hold of the leader of the kidnappers on a walkie talkie and says, “I just wanted to thank you for that warm reception.”  The evil criminal mastermind coldly replies, “Very funny.  Ha, ha.”  Because he has the mind of a seven year old.  For Christ’s sake, every single character in this film is a damned imbecile.