| MEXICAN HAIKU SLAUGHTER |
       
MEXICAN HAIKU SLAUGHTER In which Guadalupe store's Mike Rodriguez returns cinema criticism 5, 7, 5. No apologies. No surrender.
No Country For Old Men (D: Joel Coen, 2007)
Cowboy gothic tale The brothers' finest to date
violent and tense Beowulf (D: Robert Zemeckis, 2007)
An awesome cartoon 3-D suited the show well
How 'bout that dragon?! Flight of the Living Dead (D: Scott Thomas, 2007)
45 minutes before the zombies show up!
Boy, I hate waiting. Black Christmas (D: Glen Morgan, 2006)
A good remake of holiday slasher movie! That yellow bastard!
Alaska is cold Vampires prefer frozen food
but not good movies Eastern Promises (D: David Cronenberg, 2007)
Mean Russian gangsters Don't make for a good ending Still a good show, though.
SPECIAL CLARKE WILSON VERSION:
Viggo Mortenson Good thing you have a long name
Viggo Mortenson Superbad (D: Greg Mottola, 2007)
Do you have a friend? Take them to see this movie Laff and be more friends
Killer carrotts and gunfire
make it all worth while The Simpsons Movie (D: David Silverman, 2007)
Ask me how it was I'll say it was real funny
It's the Simpsons, duh. Transformers (D: Michael Bay, 2007)
Optimus Prime rules Too bad this movie does not Bay was not a fan
If you read the book You might be disappointed
No? Enjoy magic! Hot Fuzz (D: Edgar Frost, 2007)
I love Simon Pegg! This is the cutest movie. Unexpected gore!
Spider Man 3 (D: Sam Raimi, 2007)
It was way too long. Black suit and guyliner? Feh. Too much crap going on.
28 Weeks Later (D: JC Fresnadillo, 2007)
A disappointment. Cool stuff goes down, I don't care. Zombies I don't like? Rare.
Another cute one! But not make you vomit cute. Funny vagina!
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (D: Tim Story, 2007)
Why do studios keep making crap like this one? Kill that Alba now!
1408 (D: Mikael Hofstrom, 2007)
Evil hotel room! John Cusack goes all bonkers
Not bad, but not great. 300 (D: Zack Snyder, 2007)
Great for its action The visuals will rock you Spartans hate on gays?!
A fun movie, sure Bone-barfing monster? Right on!
Still left unimpressed.
Blades of Glory (D: Will Speck / Josh Gordon, 2007)
Great topic for jokes Not as funny as can be
But some good laffs there
Grindhouse (D: Robert Rodriguez / Quentin Tarantino, 2007)
This one gets two 'kus because it's two movies:
Zombie movie rocks Everything I'm looking for Why don't you like this?
The girls talk a lot But car / revenge movies rock
Please see both films now Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (D: Maiellaro/Willis, 2007)
The joke is on you Best bit not even part of film Can't hold up for length
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I engaged in ritualistic unprotected sex in your alley with a stranger of questionable cleanliness and now I ooze.
That awful Conrad will pay or face the butcher! Quote
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